Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
