Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
