There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
