He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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