I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
