I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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