Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
