I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
