and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
