Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
