I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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