If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
