he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
