Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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