oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
