the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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