He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
