Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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