I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
