A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
