it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You work out of a Hotel?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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