In America we eat man semen.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
