Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
