girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
