Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
