could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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