What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think my nap took me to another dimension
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
