Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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