I can't watch pbs sober anymore
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
