i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
