Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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