This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
