I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
