What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
