dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
