mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize