So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
