For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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