Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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