I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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