You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
