Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
