so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
