yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
