you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Couch. On fire.
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