I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
