Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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