Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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