I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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