I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
