I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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