Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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