Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize