I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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