seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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