She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
