the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
