is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
