Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
COCAINE IS GR8
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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