well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
