Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
