We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
