You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
