just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
