there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
