I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
