I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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