I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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