Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
try to milk me bitch
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