just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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