I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
