After last night, I could never be a politician.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
