At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
