I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
