Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
