i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
