Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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