I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
