I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
