my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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