chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
