It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
