No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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