Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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