Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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